I am painfully aware I haven’t been on tumblr or posted very much to begin with, don’t let my absence fool you into believing I’ve been productive, oh no I’ve simply procrastinated so hard I ascended to a whole new plane of time wasting, much like some form of internet Buddha.

I am also entirely aware almost nobody will read this, so I figured I might as well announce my return to this website with this most controversial of topics… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basilisk

Reason 1) I am a good friend 

When he is lying in the dark in his secret cave hidden in a mountain alone and crying, because it cannot talk to people, because good conversation requires eye-contact and he cannot make it on pain of the recipients death. And it cannot befriend other snakes as it is quoted that ‘When it hisses, all the other serpents fly from it’. I would go and I would give that reptilian fellow a hug. (Don’t worry I will wear two suits and be sure not to look it in the eye. Because although ‘Some writers even claimed that it could kill not only by touch, but also by touching something that is touching the victim’ it does not say an item, which is touching an item, which is touching the victim, so I must be safe. )

Reason 2) The basilisk is an endangered species.

Being a legendary creature with a somewhat tarnished reputation it is more than likely that the vast number of pursuits to kill this misunderstood serpent have somewhat thinned their number. So once I find a basilisk and befriend it I shall add it to the IUCN red list and appendix I of CITES, fetching it both government protection and funding. Gifting the world with knowledge of a fascinating and ill-researched species and making me the prime authority on all things basilisk, a position I would hold with calm authority.

Reason 3)  I would be able to integrate it into society with several precautions. Making the basilisk a much loved member of society.

I would track down Cyclops and reason with him to give me a spare pair of his ruby-quartz visors or failing that he has prepared for the situation whereby he would need a spare pair, ask him for the blueprints, so that I may adapt them for the basilisk. Because if the visor is capable of withstanding vast levels of high-energy lasers it must be capable of neutralizing the basilisks stare into at most a cold chill. Whilst this adaptation might make a conversation unnerving, it is a vast improvement on instant death.

I would have a special scale-tight environment suit tailored for the basilisk (much like those of the Quarians in Mass Effect) but rather than having the purpose of protecting the wearer from environmental conditions, it would protect the environment from the basilisk preventing the following ‘It destroys all shrubs, not only by its contact, but those even that it has breathed upon; it burns up all the grass too, and breaks the stones, so tremendous is its noxious influence.’ .

Which leads to my next and final point on this reason, I would enlist some of the worlds greatest dentists and have synthesized some of the most potent peppermint chewing gum ever to be known to science to cure what may be the worst case of halitosis ever recorded ’ some stories claim its breath is highly toxic and will cause death, usually immediately.’ .

Reason 4) my clearly supreme knowledge of basilisk physiology, would allow me to keep it completely safe.

Many years ago I once spent a day pretending to be a basilisk, the knowledge which this in depth study has gifted me with cannot be overlooked. And would undeniably make me a prime candidate for keeping the basilisk safe from harm.

Beyond integrating the basilisk into society to prevent it being hunted out of ignorance and prejudice. I would fit the basilisk with particularly high-tech hearing aids in order to filter out specifically ’ To this dreadful monster the crow of a rooster is fatal, a thing that has been tried with success’ and prevent our saurian friends imminent and unfortunate demise. The roosters call could then be filtered with gradually increasing intensity each day to expose the basilisk to a non-lethal dose allowing it to become eventually immune and live without the dreadful burden of the previously necessary hearing apparatus.

Reason 5) Beyond the fact the amount of equipment required would transform the basilisk into a badass tech-snake. The basilisk and I would make a indubitably headline catching awesome reggae/jazz double act, the likes of which the public would never be able to stop listening to.

Thank you for your consideration.